Its the first week since I started posting my blogs on WordPress. I have Zein to thank for putting me onto this site quite a while ago. I’m finally posting, buddy! Eventually, Chelly07 is going to expand and be better. I’ll find my niche…cement my style, however long it takes. Just keep swimming…swimming swimming…
Chelly’s Inferno… just a lil’ one.
April 7, 2009 at 2:32 pm (oh Chelly!)
Tags: dreams, funny, God, play, religion, silly, weird
I keep forgetting to return The River (a book which theorizes that mistakes made by world-renowned scientists may have caused the spread of AIDS in the Congo) and an intro to Atheism.
Sometimes I think to myself, can you imagine if St. Peter is sitting up there in heaven waiting for me to come and meet the maker I don’t believe in….just ITCHING to let me have it…
————————–————————–———-
(Silly harp music)
St. Peter: “Hey Michelle. Why its lovely to meet you finally!”
Chelly: (Inspecting her surroundings) “Oh WOW! Hey, how’s it going…old..dude!? Yeah!
(skeptical of her host in this new and very BRIGHT environment)I’m sorry, so who are you? And where the hell am I?”
St. Peter: (chuckling haughtily) “Ahhhh yess…..Hell. We’ll get back to that in just a minute. So! Who am I, you ask? Well, I’m the “old dude” you know best as St. Peter.”
Chelly: “St. Peter? Oh word? WOW. Thats… exciting. Truly. Well, Pete, no offense but I just thought all …this was a christian thing.
St. Peter:: “Yes, well in a way.”
Chelly: I’m not christian. And I don’t get that anyway. Those people showed up way late in the game. Humanity was around longer than that. Plenty of other religions and gods prior to your holy crew so what gives?
St. Peter: (muttering to himself) “I know she’s not trying to give ME an anthropology lesson!”
Chelly: (still talking)”So if your really St. Pete, then this must be the “pearly gates?”
St. Peter: Uh-huh.
Chelly: That would then mean that your supposed to read my life out of some book and tell me whether or not I get a golden ticket to The Notorious G-O-D (feat. JC) concert. Right?
St. Peter: Yep.
Chelly: Aaannnd if I DON’T get in, then its a one-way ticket straight to the basement with John Milton?
St. Peter: (thoroughly annoyed) Look kid, I know you get it, alright? Heaven, hell, me, JC, the Notorious G-O-D and all that other good stuff is manifesting itself in a way so that you may understand whats happening to you. On a side note, if you think homeskillet by the ninth gate is going to look like Al Pacino, I’m telling you now, you can forget it.
The truth is you can’t grasp everything there is to actually know because your not a scientist or a philosopher or even a nun for that matter. And even they don’t get the whole story ANYWAY. Consciousness, quantum mechanics, angels and demons blah-bl-blah blah, ok? It all means jack now. And do you know why?
Chelly: (monentarily pensive) No, Pete. Why?
(Harp music record scratches to a halt. The scene begins to rattle intensely like an earthquake. The hinges on the golden gates begin bending and coming apart. Disasterous organs and booming horns EXPLODE thunderous music signaling the apocalypse rendering FORTH! Chelly grabs onto St. Peter’s white robes shriveled in fear.)
Chelly: Holy shiit Pete! What the-w-what the fuck!? What have I done wrong?! Why is this happening?! WHY!?
St. Peter: (Now surrounded by reddish light, taking on demonic form, voice is maniacal, pure rage echoing) Bitch you owe the NYC public library!! YOU DARE to have overdue books?! Now you will BURRRRN!!!
Chelly: WHAAAAAAT!!?
St. Peter: It will be fiery pits of GUILT and despair for you for the AUDACITY of your EVIIIILLLLLL!!!
(Red lights disappear. Loud music stops. Harps begin again. All abruptly rewinds back to “normal”)
Chelly: Jesus Christ, what just happened?
St. Peter: “THATS RIGHT! Honestly, girl. What idiot would risk going to hell for all eternity just because she’s too lazy to take back a couple of fuckin’ books? Oh and by the way, please don’t take the lord’s name in vain, ok? NOW WAKE UP!”
(Chelly snaps back into the waking world and off the couch she slumbered on for the past hour. To the ground drops all the mail she had managed to leave on her lap. The overdue notice from the library laying atop the pile.)
Chelly: Hell is a collection agency….figures.
END SCENE
Life without Limb
April 7, 2009 at 1:47 pm (life)
Tags: life, loss, love, phones, relationships, remember, weird
Does anyone else feel like their lives are completely out of control if your cell phones are down?
Have you ever felt a twinge of anxiety creep up inside you if you drop it in liquid, the charger gets chewed up by the dog (THANKS WALL-E!) or you leave it in the bathroom and it gets stollen (what are you doing taking the phone to the bathroom anyway)?
Do you just get all moody-blue even when the battery signal flashes at you a warning that it will power down?
WELL! I have to say, I owe little Wall-e a nice vanilla-scented deep shampoo and conditioning! This has been the most relaxing weekend. No angry phone-calls, no suprising information I have to answer the phone and listen to unexpectedly, no annoying ringtones or text messages. For so long, I had been accustomed to expecting these loud, irritating chimes that I would race to get any problem with my cell phone fixed right away JUST so I wouldn’t miss a single blip of communication. I thought it strange if I made it through the day without more than a few phone calls or texts.
Honestly, certain ringtones grew to be a beloved part of my relationship. I had even told my boyfriend once, “you know, it just about makes my morning when I hear you calling. I don’t feel right without it.”
That time has come and now gone. Once my relationship was over, the calls diminished severely. I was off-kilter. I would call or text people just to keep that damned phone ringing. I would even call him on occasion just to keep giving the cell phone a greater purpose. The phone was a gift for our anniversary for goodness sakes. I love that damned phone. It gets compliments like a baby because of its unusual-appearance and its lack of widespread ownership amongst the mainstream. I would find out months after owning it that its not a common phone because the model got horrible reviews. He might have known that when he got it for me, but the gift was more about getting me what I wanted rather than what was best (another reason why the phone means so much to me) …and now its just me and my lil’ blitz.
…and now my blitz is dead. Its been dead for three days. Today is day four.
I’m no longer anxious to see it power up. I don’t even really want to check for messages although thats irresponsible and I’m sure I’ll check it sometime after this blog-note is published. I look back on the weekend… going out to the movies, having Cold Stone Ice cream instead of the greatest apple-pie in the world at Zenarros (it was a favorite of mine and H’s and the fucking new chef took it off of the menu…does that mean something?)…doing laundry on a gorgeous Sunday and not even minding so long as I had a good book and a Wookie sitting right next to me.
Yes, indeed. Life was good this weekend. Simple pleasures. All made even better by letting go of this deep attachment at least for a weekend.
Undoubtedly, I’ll be grateful for the package in the mail from Verizon Wireless. I’ll take it out of the box and rush upstairs to plug my lil’ blitz in for business as usual. Its a good thing to have a cell phone. Makes a big world more accessible to have one…but rest assured. I WILL turn my phone off more often.
=)
(the “save draft” feature is fantabulous, isn’t it!? I started writing this yesterday and got too busy to finish. Good stuff…writing.)
The joys of medication
April 3, 2009 at 9:56 am (life)
Tags: drugs, life, medication, memory, weird
Ever had anyone tell you that “for a moment there, you were in your own world?”
A lot of people have used that with reference to me. I can understand that. It seems like I don’t really listen sometimes. Those closest to me can get a little annoyed with me and I don’t blame them.
On some days my mood is completely unhinged. I might want to hear someone’s voice in my ear one day and want to be as far away from them as the world would allow the next.
Some days I get a little disoriented. I might even have moments where I forget what I’m doing or where I am at the very moment. They are short instances, but they happen and I never know when they will. I just close my eyes and try to STOP thinking so the channel will clear. That works for the most part.
Some days I’m so wildly impulsive and angry and I’m only further frustrated by my inability to understand why… especially when it happens on a day that is otherwise a good day…a great day.
The best that I can do is stay to myself, try to give a little of an answer as possible that my instability might show itself to anyone else.
Some days, I’m niagra falls. Some days I’m the Sahara. Thats outside of my control as well.
I can’ forget to take the medication, but the medication can make me forgetful. I have 3 alarms and 2 friends just to make sure I take it. I’m trying to ween myself off of it and it causes more sideeffects. We need to try something new instead but you can’t just decide from one night to the next to change what you take. There are side effects.
Somedays I feel like a slave to the drug. I don’t look like a zombie so its not like anyone would actually know.
Right now, the best things I’ve got going for me are work and the pursuit of my home. For some reason I’m able to focus intensely on those two things. I’m having trouble drawing again. I just take a deep breath and close the sketchbook and say to myself…”it will come when it comes so don’t force it.”
Somedays I can read for long periods of time. And sometimes I open the book and after the first few words I close it because I know I won’t remember what I just read. The short term memory I take care of at work because I write everything down just in case I miss anything.
New people love me right away. My first impression is always great because thats the real me…. very sweet, kind, friendly, giving, outgoing, talkative, insightful, willing to learn, willing to share, committed and well-intentioned.
The rest of this…”some” of these days….I’m so far from myself and I have no choice but to be accepting of judgements passed on me. I can’t wait to have my own home. No one but me. Its the best situation until I things are right and I’m well. Tomoorrow I’ll be angered or saddened, irate or weepy by this blog post. I just don’t know. I only know that today, I don’t feel much at all.
